There Goes My Life
by SexisLiasonRealLuckylover
Summary: My take on how the Liz Zander being parents should have gone based on the song There Goes My Life by Kenny Chesney. No copyright infringement intended. All characters property of GH and ABC TV except Rell who's likeness is used with the utmost adoration


Zander walked into Kelly's. He didn't wanna do this. The goodbye with Krissy and Alexis had been hard enough. This was going to be even harder in a different way. She had been so much to him without really being anything that could be defined. They had almost died together but Jason saved them. They had made love twice both times had been great but though they loved each other as friends and maybe something a bit more in truth they knew that their hearts belonged to others. His would forever belong to Em and whether she admitted or not hers belonged to Jason.

He saw her scrubbing down the counter. She looked up when she heard his footsteps. "Hey," they said in unison. He laughed and that's when he noticed there were tears in her eyes.

He took her hand and led her to a table. "Sweetie are you ok?" He asked worriedly. He couldn't leave PC if she needed a friend because she had never left him when he needed one.

She avoided his eyes. "Yeah I'm ok. Just feelin' kinda crappy is all."

"Really?" he asked surprised because to him she never looked better. It was almost as if she was glowing. "Why the tears? Is it because you don't feel well or did our new ADA pull another stunt? I can go kick his ass if you want. Or is it the junior mobster that is responsible for the waterworks?"

She smiled at his description of the men in her life. Little did he know he was the reason she had been crying. They were silent for a minute. They spoke simultaneously again. "We need to talk." They smiled but there was a hint of sadness in each smile.

"You go first." He urged softly. He sensed that whatever she needed to say was more important then his goodbye.

She needed a few more minutes to figure out how to tell him so she shook her head. "No its ok, you go first."

He took a deep breath. "Ok you know that I appreciate your friendship right?" She nodded. "Well there's no other way to say this so I'm just gonna say it. Emily and I signed the divorce papers. She's movin' on with Nikolas. My heart can't take it so I'm doing the only thing I can. I'm leavin' town. Alexis got me into NYU thanks to some judge that she has the goods on so I'm going there and start over again. See if I can find out who Alexander Lewis is.

"#$," she whispered softly. "I'll miss you. You were a really good friend to me Zander and for me those are in short supply these days. But I understand how much it hurts when someone you love moves on with someone else. Now I'm not sure I should tell you what I was going to."

"No we have always been honest with each other and I don't want that to change just because I'm leaving. In the spirit of honesty, I think you should give things another shot with Jason. I may not like the guy but you love him and I honestly think he loves you."

"He's married to someone else Zander."

"So were you and so was I. So was I. Look how wrong we were. I'm just saying if he realizes he was wrong too give it a shot. Now what did you wanna tell me because my train leaves in an hour."

"Ok I'll tell you because you want honesty but I want you to promise that you won't change your plans. I'm not telling you this to get you to stay I'm just telling you because you have the right to know."

"I can't promise that. You know it. Now please tell me whatever it is that's bothering you." He caressed her hand as tears brimmed in her eyes. "Please Elizabeth tell me. Are you in trouble? I'll help anyway I can. Just because I'm leaving town doesn't mean I'm leaving you. NYU isn't that far away. You need me just pick up the phone and I'll be here heartache be damned. Besides Alexis promised to bring Krissy into the city once a month to visit I know she'd be more than happy to have you along."

"Zander" she said in a tone that made him silent. "Stop. Stop being so nice. You are just making this harder. I am just gonna say it. I'm having a baby Zander." Her voice fell to a whisper. What I mean is we're having a baby."

Zander sat back in his chair, he took a deep breath. "We're having a baby?"

"Yes," she whispered not looking at him. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen the condom must have broken. Then gathering all her strength she looked him in the eye. "I meant what I said though. I don't want this change your plans. She and I will be ok on our own and I will bring her to see you as often as I can and our door will always be open when you want to visit."

He shook his head, "I'm not leaving. I won't leave you now. I can't. I won't be like my father and bail on my kid. Wait you said 'she,' how do you know?"

"I just know," she smiled sadly. She had been afraid this would happen. The last thing she had wanted was for him to think he was trapped. "I won't let you stay Zander. Its not fair to you."

"That's not your decision Elizabeth. I'm staying. We can even get married if you want."

"You know we aren't in love Zander. I think it's more important for her that we stay friends than being in a loveless marriage where we eventually hate each other."

"I do love you. I'm just not in love with you and you definitely aren't in love with me. But I don't want to miles away from her or you while you go through this. So what do we do?"

"Well the place above my studio just opened up. She and I will be living there when she comes so maybe you could be in the upstairs unit."

"You seem positive it's a girl." All right, it's a plan. I have to go get my train ticket refunded and see if Alexis will hire me back. How about I meet you there in an hour?

"Zander are you sure?"

"Yes," he said hoping that he sounded more confident than he felt. He gave her his most winning smile and strode out of Kelly's wearing a brave face. However as soon as he reached the docks he sat at the bench looking out at Spoon Island and cried. It wasn't that he had lied to Elizabeth; he meant what he said. He wanted to stay here and help. He was just pissed because once again his plans had gone to #$. Sure he had planned to have kids but not now and not with Elizabeth. It was supposed to be a few years from now with Em. But what upset him even more was the feeling that he couldn't do it. He'd probably #$ up the kid's life way worse than his dad had done with him and Pete and that was saying a lot. He just sat there thinking about all that could go wrong.

All he could think about was I'm too young for this.

Got my whole life ahead.

Hell I'm just a kid myself.

How'm I gonna raise one.

All he could see were his dreams goin' up in smoke.

So much for ditchin' this town and hangin' out on the coast.

Oh well, those plans are long gone.

And he said,

There goes my life.

There goes my future, my everything.

Might as well kiss it all good-bye.

There goes my life...

He gave himself fifteen minutes for his pity party of one then he told himself it was time to grow up and get his #$ together. He was gonna be a not just a father but a dad. He knew there was a difference now and he hadn't planned it but he was determined to be the best Dad he could be but he had a couple of stops to make first.

A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later.

That mistake he thought he made covers up the refrigerator.

Oh yeah...he loves that little girl.

Zander watched his little girl coloring one of her masterpieces for him at his feet. It was hard to believe just a few years ago he thought she would be the end of his life. The truth was she was just the beginning. He stayed in PC, enrolled at PCU and was now just a year away from law school. He had met a fellow law student, a beauty named Rell they had been seeing each other seriously for about a year now. Elizabeth adored her and kept pushing them to marry but both had other things they wanted first. Zander wanted to raise their daughter, Serenity, and Rell wanted to become an established corporate attorney. He got down on his stomach and lay next to his daughter. "Hey Sere," he said softly.

"Hi daddy." She said smiling up at him.

"Watcha drawing?"

She giggled, "our family silly." She pointed to each of the little stick figures. "That's Mommy and next to her is uncle Jason. The little one is me and then you and Miss Rell. But mommy says I can call her Mama Rell once you marriage her."

Zander laughed embarrassed, "Ah man. Et tu Sere?"

"Huh?" the love of his life asked.

He smiled and kissed her hair "Nothing baby. Go put that on Daddy's ice box we have to take you back to Mommy's now its bedtime."

"Ok daddy. Tomorrow I stay?"

"Yes baby tomorrow you stay with Daddy."

"Yaay" she yelled as she ran to the fridge.

He went and hugged her and then helped her put her jacket on even though he know Liz would tease him since they didn't even have to go outside to go downstairs. He picked her up and put her on his shoulders for the trip downstairs.

"I love you daddy," she whispers close to his ear.

"I love you too angel I love you too."

He took the stairs slowly not because he was worried he would drop her but because he wasn't quite ready to say goodnight yet. They reached Elizabeth's studio and he knocked.

Jason opened the door laughing. "I knew it was you man. You're the only one who knocks. Which is funny because you are the only one who has a right not to. Hey big girl." He said taking Serenity off her father's shoulders. He kissed her cheek. "Kiss Daddy goodnight sweetie. Mama's waiting for you with a story."

"Ok Uncle Jason, goodnight Daddy. She threw herself into Zander's arms and hugged him tight. "I love you daddy."

"I love you more." Zander whispered softly. He reached into her bag and pulled out her favorite sleeping companion. "Hey don't run off without Mr. Sonny." He and Jason both laughed knowing their former boss hated the fact that he now shared his name with a teddy bear. He handed his daughter her trusted friend and she scampered to be read a story by her mother.

Momma's waiting to tuck her in,

As she fumbles up those stairs.

She smiles back at him dragging that teddy bear.

Sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncin' curls.

He smiles...

There goes my life.

There goes my future, my everything.

I love you, daddy good-night.

There goes my life.

"Stay for a beer?" Jason asked.

"Sure Zander" replied. "I hate going back to the house when she's not there anyway. It seems so empty.

Jason smiled knowingly; he felt the same way when he left them here every night and went back to Jake's alone. "Rell working late tonight?"

"Yeah the judge she's clerking for is a real pain in the ass. But she loves her job. How are things for you must be hard going back to school after all these years."

"Its no picnic that's for sure but it's a piece of cake compared to convincing the admissions staff that 'A' I no longer have anything to do with criminal activity and 'B' despite what they might have heard about my well publicized brain damage I am intelligent enough to obtain a college degree."

Zander nodded smiling. "Who'd a thunk it?"

Jason eyed him confused, "what?"

"Oh just that after all that went down, we'd be sitting here years later sharing a beer talking about school, our love lives, and sharing the fathering of a child.

"No Z the rest of it is a miracle but I don't father her that job is yours alone and she knows that. I never step over just the friend boundary. She has a father and a damn good one. That reminds me I should get going. I need to get up early tomorrow. I promised Alexis I would take Kristina to school tomorrow. That's what I am Uncle Jason chauffeur extraordinaire. But I guess I owe that to you too because if you hadn't come to me the day Elizabeth told you she was pregnant with Serenity, I would never have known she still loved me and would have missed being a part of both of their lives. So thanks man. I'll see ya tomorrow.

Zander was confused. "You're not staying?"

"Of course not. I thought you knew. I only stay when Serenity's at your house. I told you I'm not trying to take your place. It would only confuse her if I stayed here."

Zander knew Jason was probably right but he still felt for the guy putting his own wants last so Serenity wouldn't be confused. "Serenity loves you Jason. If you married Elizabeth there would be no confusion."

"I'm not the one who needs convincing," Jason whispered sadly.

Just then Elizabeth came out of Serenity's room. "My ears were burning were you two discussing me again?"

Zander covered winking at Jason, "Us? Talk about you, never, right Jason?"

Jason wrapped his arms around Elizabeth's waist and kissed her hair. "Nah we wouldn't dream of it. Is the munchkin asleep?"

"Yes," Elizabeth answered. Shooting them both a look that said she didn't believe for a minute that she hadn't been the topic of their conversation.

"That's my cue" Jason said. He kissed Elizabeth deeply. "Babe, I love you. I'll stop by Kelly's tomorrow after I drop Krissy at school to take over the interviews for new waitresses you can finish your paintings its only two weeks until the gallery opening."

"Ugh don't remind me" Elizabeth said. But she was smiling. "Who would have thought I'd work harder now that I own Kelly's than I did when I was just waiting tables. Oh well at least the gallery will be downstairs instead of Carly's awful club." All three laughed. Even Jason was happy Carly had left town. She treated him like #$ after Courtney left him.

"Wait I'll walk with you Jason. I'm outta here too." Zander said. If you want you can drop Serenity at my Dad's office when you go in in the morning. He loves to hang out with her. I only have two classes tomorrow so she will be out of there before his first nut I mean patient gets there at eleven.

Jason and Elizabeth laughed and shared another kiss. "How are things going between your Dad and Skye?" Elizabeth asked. "They looked pretty chummy last week when Jase and I saw them at The Grille."

Zander grimaced, "Don't ask me. The less I know about it the better. My dad and my former sister-in-law as Serenity would say 'icky.' How he could date that after Alexis is way beyond my understanding."

"Yeah well some people tell Alexis the same thing since she left your dad to go back to Sonny believe me many people are questioning her sanity again after that decision but love is not something for us mere mortals to understand." Jason said.

Zander nodded, "True enough. Goodnight Elizabeth and in case I haven't said it lately thanks for my Serenity."

Elizabeth smiled at the double meaning of his words. "No Zander, thank you for mine. Now get the heck out of both of you. I need my beauty sleep."

Fifteen years later

Serenity eyes drifted open. Today was the day she was leaving PC to going to USC as a journalism major. She had been waiting for this day for four years. Maybe her parents would stop stalling now and marry the people they loved and stop using her as an excuse. She had hidden from view every year as Jason asked her mother to marry him and went to her room and cried afterwards because each year her mother told him that it couldn't happen because of her. Now that she was in love herself she could understand why Jason hadn't given up. But oh the pain he must have felt. She spotted her packed suitcases next to her bedroom door and smelled her favorite breakfast cooking in the kitchen, Eggs Benedict with bacon. That meant two things her mom wasn't cooking and the love her life was down there waiting to drive her to their new world. She ran to the bathroom and brushed her hair and her teeth. Next without a word to any of the adults in the room she floated over to the chair she knew would hold her beloved only to find it empty.

"Where's Morgan?" she cried sadly.

Sonny thought about teasing her but from across the room Alexis, who had been his wife for ten glorious years now, shot him a look that told him their bedroom would be awful cold tonight if he did.

"Good morning to you too baby girl." Zander and Elizabeth replied. "Say hi to everyone."

"Hi everyone. Thanks for coming to see us off. Now Sonny where is my fiancé?"

"Oh dear lord." Zander mumbled under his breath.

"I heard that Daddy."

Sonny interrupted her before she could unload a verbal barrage on her father. "Morgan's just out gassing up the car sweetie. He'll be right back. By the way your dad didn't mean anything by his comment. Its just well you remember that we all agreed that you would finish college before you and Morgan became officially engaged."

"No the young woman retorted, he's just upset because at the pace he's going I'll be back for my own wedding before he has his."

Sonny laughed but Elizabeth was shocked.

"Serenity Alexis! Shame on you."

"You're one to talk mom, Jason's asked you at least twelve times that I know of. Every year on the anniversary of when Dad told him about me.

Elizabeth blushed; her daughter had a point. "Olive juice" she mouthed to Jason. He nodded unbeknownst to everyone else in the room that was her signal. The way he would now she was finally agreeing to be his wife. He was ecstatic but he just smiled and mouthed the words back to her. They would celebrate tomorrow. Today was about Serenity.

Morgan barreled through the door at that second and Serenity stood up and ran to him. He took her hand, kissed her cheek, and led her back to the table. She smiled. He was intensely shy and for him taking her hand in front of their families was equivalent to a rooftop declaration. "Hi everyone. Thanks for coming. Dad where's the food. You know the coach said if I wanted to make even second-string quarterback I'd have to put on at least thirty pounds. Like I'm not already fat enough."

Each adult in the room wanted to tell him that he was not fat but the doctor's had told them that anorexia was even harder for boys than it was for girls. The doctor's said that what Morgan saw in the mirror was not what they saw and that Morgan had already convinced himself that the adults would lie to him because they loved him. He'd been in recovery for four years now thanks to Serenity and even now she and his mother were the only ones he believed. Carly only made things worse though. He was 6'4" and just now got back up to 125 pounds and she still told him he was fat, just because he weighed more than she did.

Serenity looked at her boyfriend with tears in her eyes. "You know baby, I've never lied to you so believe me when I say you are definitely not fat. You need to remember what the doctor said. You need to eat five times a day." The adults all quietly left the room knowing Morgan would not talk if they were there.

Morgan whispered, "I'm scared Sere I don't want to get fat. I've already lost my mom because of my weight I don't want to lose you too."

"I promise Morgan. I have loved you since I was eight and when I found out that not was it ok to love you because Sonny wasn't really my uncle but that you loved me too it was the happiest day of my life. Even if you did by some miracle get fat there would just be more to love. Your mom may not be in your life anymore but I will never stop loving you and there is a room full of people out there who agree with me. Now please eat."

Morgan picked up his plate and went and dished himself some eggs. It wasn't much but it was a start. "I love you Serenity Alexis Lewis." As he ate he thought about how lucky they all were to finally have found happiness. He had Serenity and each of the adults he loved had someone who loved them. If that wasn't good enough in a few short days he and Serenity would be reunited with his brother Michael in California.

The adults trickled back in to the room moments later. Wordlessly they joined the kids at the table. The feeling was bittersweet for each of them were happy the kids had grown up so smart but also sad because they knew this would be the last meal they would all have together for quite some time.

All too soon it was time to go. Sonny, Zander, and Jason had packed Serenity's Civic before she woke that morning. Serenity and Morgan said goodbye to the family friends then they filed outside and stood off to the side giving Elizabeth and Zander time with their daughter.

Elizabeth spoke first, "I love you baby girl and I'm very proud of you. Remember if you ever want to come home all you have to do is call. Oh and when you come home in December there will be a wedding."

Serenity squealed, "Really Mom? You mean it? It's about damn time. Congratulations. I love you and I'm so proud of YOU." The two women hugged. Then Elizabeth went off to join the other adults leaving Serenity with her father.

"Well daddy I guess this is it." Serenity whispered staring up at her father with tears in her eyes. "I love you so much."

Zander knelt in front of his daughter. He pulled her into a fierce hug not just because he would miss her terribly but also so she would not see his own tears. "I love you sweetheart. You saved me. You are my life." He pulled back because he saw Morgan coming toward them and knew it was time to let her go in more ways then one. He pressed some cash and a credit card into her hand and gave her one last kiss.

"Sorry sir." Morgan mumbled.

Zander stuck his hand out and gave the boy's a firm shake. "Take care of her son."

Morgan nodded fiercely than led Serenity to the car waving goodbye to everyone.

She had that Honda loaded down.

With Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes and his American Express.

He checked the oil and slammed the hood, said your good to go.

She hugged them both and headed off to the West Coast.

And he cried,

There goes my life.

There goes my future, my everything.

I love you.

Baby good-bye.

There goes my life.

There goes my life.

Baby good-bye.

Zander watched as his world drove away and he cried. This day reminded him so much of the day he found out he was going to be a dad. Except today there was one key difference. He wasn't alone. Today as he cried two mocha colored arms wrapped around him and held him.

"I love you. I'm not going anywhere." Rell whispered softly in his ear.

"I love you too." He murmured.

She smiled back, "enough to answer a question for me" Zander nodded.

She took a deep breath hoping like hell this didn't backfire. "Marry me?"

Zander was shocked. Wasn't that his line? He didn't care. He just smiled and said "Hell yeah."

When Serenity came home that December she attended two weddings.

The End


End file.
